The Iron Hills Mall
by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey
Summary: Part of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown. Day 1. Thranduil, Legolas, and Tauriel go Christmas shopping... at the same time... at the same mall. Of course, unexpected encounters are prolific.


**Author's Note:**

_Hello everyone! I'm back to writing fan fiction after a long month of NaNoing gruelingly. :) I missed you all, and am going to be here a lot more, because guess what? We have a big event! Two other writers and I are going to be writing a Christmas fan fiction each day from now until Christmas. We're calling it the 'Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown', and you can read all about it on my profile. Anyways, this is the first of the series. I am going to include a list of characters for those who have not seen the movies (or read the book), since this is an inter-fandom event._

Legolas- an Elf prince, son of Thranduil Elven-King of Mirkwood. A little spoiled, prejudiced against all Dwarves, and very very blonde.

Thranduil Elven-King of Mirkwood- exactly that. Diva king who likes to be fabulous and cool. Also very blonde. And very prejudiced against Dwarves, as well.

Tauriel- Captain of the Guard of Mirkwood. A little in love with Legolas, perhaps, but she hasn't got a chance. Hates all Dwarves, but only in word, not in deed. May end up being romantically interested in a certain one that doesn't have much of a beard.

Dwarves- yeah. That's what they are. They are a group of thirteen, who want to take back their homeland, Erebor, from the Dragon that stole it from them. They are lead by a proud but competent leader, Thorin Oakenshield, but that's not important in this story.

Elrond Half-Elven- Lord of Imladris (aka Rivendell), another Elvish kingdom place thingy. Has an annoying daughter and two mischievous twin sons, but he himself is a very nice person- I mean Elf. Half-Elf, to be precise.

That concludes our character list. If you want to know more about these characters, go watch the movie!

* * *

**The Iron Hills Mall**

_On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a partridge in a pear tree._

Thranduil was grumpy.

Thranduil is always grumpy, but that's beside the point. At the moment he was _particularly_ grumpy.

And it was all because of Legolas.

'What's with children these days?' he grumbled. 'Never satisfied; always wanting more. And where in Arda did he hear about _Christmas_, anyways? He must have been talking to _Dwarves_ again, Valar forbid...'

Thranduil continued to mumble as he searched the almost-empty shelves of the Iron Hills Mall for a suitable gift for his blondest son. The shelves were almost empty, for it was Christmas eve and most people (and Elves, and Dwarves, Hobbits, Goblins, Trolls, and sundry) had already done their Christmas shopping. But this didn't bother the Elven-King as much as it would have under normal circumstances; it made it all the more likely that Legolas wouldn't be here. Thranduil had purposely come all the way to the Iron Hills so he wouldn't run into his son and spoil the surprise… not that it mattered. Christmas was all mumbo-jumbo, anyhow.

I don't know why I take so much trouble for Legolas,' he thought fondly. 'He's always getting into trouble; one of these days I'll be sorry.'

'Why, Thranduil, what are you doing here?' said a familiar voice.

Thranduil turned to see a tall, dark Elf standing there, his arms rather full of various things. 'Elrond?' he said, startled. 'You here, too?'

'Yes,' said Elrond, remembering himself and putting his things down so that he could bow politely without spilling them all over the shiny floor of the mall. 'I'm doing my Christmas shopping.'

'All the way over here?' Thranduil asked.

'Well, yes. I didn't want to be running into my kids, you know. But you, too. You don't usually come all the way out here, do you?'

'No,' Thranduil admitted. 'I don't want to run into Legolas.'

'I see,' said Elrond sympathetically, as he gathered up his gifts again. 'I'm almost done. Look, I got Elladan and Elrohir these awesome new bows that are so in right now. And Arwen gets this nice Elven jewel thingy on a chain… not really sure if it's something that goes on the head or the wrist yet. But she likes that sort of thing.'

Thranduil looked at the Elf Lord's extravagant gifts to his family. Then he looked down at the humble suction cup bow and arrow set he had just chosen for Legolas. He hid it behind his back and smiled wanly at Elrond. 'How nice,' he said.

'What are you getting for Legolas?' Elrond asked.

'Uh…' said the Elven King. He flushed. 'I'm getting him a… a… a sports car,' he said spontaneously. And instantly regretted it.

Elrond looked impressed, though. And that was what was important. 'Wow,' he said. 'That's some gift. I hope Legolas appreciates it… Isn't he a little too young to drive yet?'

'Laws can be changed,' Thranduil said loftily. He gave Elrond the 'I'm awesome' look from under his eyebrows and down the bridge of his nose, and then walked regally off. At least, he hoped he looked regal. He wasn't feeling very regal.

'A sports car,' he thought glumly. 'Whatever possessed me to say that?'

Legolas was waltzing through the mall, looking for something to give his dad for Christmas. Thranduil was not the easiest person to buy for, being an Elven King and all that. He had pretty much everything. Legolas stopped in front of a rack and frowned thoughtfully. Would Thranduil like an Avengers backpack? He'd have to think about that.

His attention was distracted by a voice saying repeatedly and insistently, 'Penny for the baby, penny for the baby!' The sound was coming from over by the entrance of the mall. There a Dwarf stood, holding a younger Dwarf, and holding out a hat suggestively. Of course, to Legolas' Elven eyes, which had never been the best Elven eyes, though he wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, the young Dwarf looked more like a Goblin mutant. But he was spared the embarrassment of stating this fact by another sound distracting his attention.

'I hate people,' sang a voice. 'People are despicable creatures!'

It was more Dwarves. These ones were performing a musical. There was a hat present here, too; apparently the Dwarves in the region were rather hard up.

'What is this terrible play?' he asked one with a very large, ugly hat who was standing nearby. (Note: Normally Legolas would have never spoken to a Dwarf. His father had strong feelings on the subject, and he would have feared getting grounded for a month. But he was all the way in the Iron Hills; his father would never find out anyways. Might as well have some fun.)

'It's the musical called Scrooge,' said the Dwarf. 'Or it was originally. We edited it a bit.'

Legolas could see that. Though it was a poor job, they had obviously tried their best to make Ebenezer Scrooge look like an Elf.

Legolas, with a sniff, turned away to find a present for his dad.

'Fund the quest to bring back Erebor to its former glory,' said a short, fat, white-haired, white-bearded Dwarf dressed in a Santa Claus outfit. He was ringing a bell. Beside him stood a red thingy that was, apparently, to put donations into. Apparently; because Legolas couldn't be sure. He didn't see anyone else put anything in.

'Poor Dwarf,' Legolas thought. And immediately was horrified at himself for thinking such a thing. 'I'm becoming like _them_!' he thought worriedly. He was about to walk past, but his conscience got the better of him and he stopped. 'What if it's just for trash?' he thought. 'Everyone will laugh at me for throwing money away.'

But his mind was made up when a kind-hearted pedestrian walked by and popped a quarter in the bucket. 'I'll do it,' he thought decidedly. He reached out to put a generous amount in.

'Legolas!' said a horrified voice. Legolas jerked around to see his father standing. He looked quite disturbed. 'Stay away from that Dwarf!'

'Uh, dad!' said Legolas. He quickly hid the fondue pot he had bought behind his back. 'I didn't know- I mean I didn't see- uh, you do your Christmas shopping on Christmas eve, too?'

'My Amazon package hasn't gotten here yet.' Thranduil admitted fretfully. 'What was I supposed to do?'

'Oh,' said Legolas. He shifted uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the appearance of Tauriel, the Captain of the Guards of Mirkwood.

'Ah!' she said, when she saw them. 'Don't look! Close your eyes!'

'What are all those for?' Legolas asked, surveying the huge pile of hair brushes that Tauriel was trying to carry.

'Stocking stuffers,' said Tauriel. 'But you weren't supposed to see them yet.'

'I want the pink one!' said Thranduil. Then he remembered himself, straightened up, and cleared his throat. 'Ahem. Tauriel, you should not be here. I ordered you to guard my Elven King Palace. How dare you disobey my orders?'

'You never let me do _anything_,' Tauriel complained, throwing her hair brushes to the floor and stomping her foot. 'It's not fair. If I didn't disobey your orders then you wouldn't get anything for Christmas.'

'Sorry to interrupt,' said a young Dwarf, 'but would you like to fund the quest for Erebor?'

'Ah!' screamed Thranduil. 'A Dwarf! Quick, Legolas, a broom! Squish it!'

'I don't want to,' Legolas said, trying to look as if he wasn't there.

'I left my knives and stuff at home,' said Tauriel regretfully.

Thranduil climbed up a convenient shelf full of convenience foods and dangled there while he waited for Legolas to do something about the terrible situation, i.e. a Dwarf being in such close proximity to Thranduil Elven-King of Mirkwood.

'Dad,' said Legolas, rolling his eyes. 'It's not contagious.'

'Enough!' yelled a voice from the next aisle. 'This is not getting us anywhere. We'll have to try something else.'

Legolas tiptoed over and stuck his head around the shelves. There stood a group of Dwarves, looking quite glum.

'I know,' said one of them excitedly, 'let's try Christmas caroling!'

The group brightened up considerably at this suggestion.

'Hmph,' said Thranduil in Legolas' ear. Legolas started and turned to see that his dad had descended from his perch and was watching the Dwarves over Legolas' shoulder. He looked skeptical. 'That won't end well,' he said. 'Come on, Legolas. Let's go home.'

'What's this?' cried Legolas, distressed. He was watching as a large tree of the pear variety was hoisted into his car.

'Oh, that? It's our Christmas tree. I didn't think it would fit on my transportation device...'

'But it's a _pear_ tree!'

'Will you be content for once, Legolas? I have walked my Elven feet off to make your Christmas more amazing than Elrond's… I mean, uh, fun, and yet you don't appreciate it.'

'I wanted a _Christmas_ tree,' Legolas pouted. He was interrupted by a strange noise from the Dwarves.

'Christmas, Christmas time is here,' they began. 'Time for joy and time for cheer.'

Thranduil plugged his ears. Legolas groaned. 'We've been gooooood but weeeee can't laaaaassst, hurrrry Chrissssstmas, hurrrrrrry faaaaassssst.'

The three Elves (Tauriel had joined them) quickly retreated while they were still in possession of their sanity.

'Let's get out of here,' said Thranduil. The other two nodded wordlessly and they all piled into their various vehicles (Legolas into a SUV, Tauriel into a Jeep, and Thranduil onto his moose) and headed back to the stone halls of the Elven King.

Thranduil Elven-King sat contentedly in front of the fire, sipping hot chocolate and gazing at his pretty lit up Christmas- well, pear tree. He was finally able to relax after this horribly stressful day. Dwarves. Dwarves were the cause of it. They caused all his problems. A curse on all Dwarves.

There was a knock on the door. Thranduil frowned. 'Why do people have to come knocking on Christmas Eve, for goodness' sake?' he asked grumpily. He carefully set down his mug and went to the door and opened it wide.

'So bring us some figgy pudding,  
Now bring us some figgy pudding.  
So bring us some figgy pudding  
And bring it right now.'

'Aah!' cried Thranduil and slammed the door.

Later that night, Legolas sat up, thinking he heard Father Christmas coming down the chimney. But then he lay back down. It was only his dad pacing his room and yelling,

'My moose! They stole it! The thieves! Confound all Dwarves!'

* * *

_So there you have it: Day 1. of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown project. Tune in again tomorrow to read more exciting fan fics! The next story is an Avengers fan fic called **White Elephant**. It is written by **ccgaylord **and will be posted on her profile. You will also be able to find it on my favourites. Review and keep reading!_


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